Love and marriage: a he said; she said story
The two of them move like they are two sides of the same coin. Ask the happy couple a question and they frequently respond in sync, without either one prompting the other.
Victoria Combre and Javier Ray joined together in wedded bliss in 2018 and although this couple is fairly young they have managed to make being together look as easy as feeling the wind blow on a warm summer day.
Love is one of the most intense emotions known to humans. It comes in many forms but as adults the search for romantic compatibility is an important aspect of life.
Most people long for a connection that will bring deep and abiding fulfillment. The hope is to find that one other person who just gets you. The person whose mere presence warms your insides like the blood flowing through your veins.
Like the thump of a beating heart the young couple found each other and fell in love. The pair dated for approximately eight years before they were married but interestingly enough they met each other in elementary school.
The earliest stories they tell are about being in the fourth grade together at Our Lady of Victory School in Compton, California.
“I can remember being in choir with her and remember thinking then how cool of a person she was and how she stood out,” said Ray.
“I think it’s really cheesy. Its very tv, when you see the friends marry their high school sweethearts, it’s very hallmark like, you don’t think it would happen to you. I totally thought I would marry someone else,” said Combre-Ray.
An article in business insider said that in 1962 90% of 30 year olds had been married at least once. Fast forward to this decade and that number has reduced to half.
In 2019, the number of 30 years olds that were married is about 51%. The number of people who marry young and stay together is high but it’s not without challenges.
So what’s so special about their relationship. According to Javier they have always been a part of each others lives. “She was always there. We never had any space where we weren’t a part of each others existence. And we never had any major fights or falling outs,” he said.
If you were to ever have an opportunity to watch this couple live their married lives, you would definitely see a deep and soul touching love between them and you might think they have been married for many years.
At least that’s what the many front row seaters say watching them navigate through their time and space.
The couple are both very different in mindset and how they approach various tasks including decision making. “ What I love most about her is her nurturing side. I remember how she was always a kind and polite person,” he said.
“For me it’s definitely his sense of humor. He is extremely funny. He is also extremely passionate about his family and the people he loves. He has an even bigger heart,” she said.
The Rays indicated that prior to marriage they first decided that they were dating with intention. She was direct in her questioning and asked him if they were going to date to marry or just date to hang out. “I was ok with either. But it was just necessary to know what direction we would be going in,” she said.
Once the decision was made to date with the intention to marry, the daters (at that time) determined that the next important thing they would need to do is have difficult and truthful conversations about the various issues that married couples face.
“We talked about everything. We had a series of intense conversations, like the fact that I intended to remain abstinent before marriage. He thought I was joking with him,” she said with a long mischievous giggle.
“I remember thinking oh ok but I knew that I cared about her enough to respect her position on that subject. Oh but it was difficult,” he said with an eye roll as he glanced over at her and smiled.
They both said that religion was another example of their pre-marriage conversations. Mr. Ray was raised in a catholic household and the Mrs. was reared in an African Methodist Episcopal household.
“It was necessary to decide if we could exist in our separate religions or if it was important to him for me to become catholic. I would have,”she said.
The young wife intimated the importance for couples to identify their wants and deal breakers. She also said the discussion will reveal if they want the same things.
“You don’t want to get a year or two in the marriage and find out he doesn’t want to buy a house for example especially when you know that you do,” she said.
The cute couple also remembered that money was one of those subjects that caused extensive conversations. “It was weird to discuss my money with another person.
“I was raised to be staunchly independent and fiscally responsible. Allowing someone to have a say in my finances was difficult but it was very necessary,” the young wife said.
According to her they both have different spending habits. She likes to spend money on experiences and he likes spending on tangible things.
“We also had to decide who would be in charge of the finances. “We even talked about divorce too! We know we don’t want it but if it happens we decided it has to be….well nice,” she said.
A good friend of the couple, Veronica Rayo, said that Javier and Vicky represent the values of friendship, respect and loyalty as a couple.
“None of us were married when we first met each other through a mutual friend. I actually did not know they were a couple. I thought they were each others best friend since the two of them got along so great.
“We have learned from them the importance of respecting your spouse. Love grows as the foundation gets stronger. They are intertwined and growing together and it’s amazing to watch,” Rayo said.
This couple’s marriage was basically relatively new during the onset of the pandemic. WebMD indicated that there was a 25% to 35% increase in Americans making requests to start divorce proceedings by October of 2020.
According to Mrs. Ray the pandemic only helped them become closer. “We work for the same agency. Being in a similar situation, where we have to be home and virtual can seem suffocating but it helped us appreciate what the other does and then we also acknowledge that we love spending time together,” she said.
“They have separate friendships aside from their mutual friends. These friendships provide outlets for them that I think has helped them remain close during the pandemic,” Rayo said.
Relationships can be difficult, challenging and all around just a lot of work. Couples have to be committed to each other and to the relationship.
They have to trust each other and be able to be vulnerable with each other, plus put in the work.
Other high ranking requirements necessary for a successful relationship is communication, loyalty and the ability to see things from the other persons perspective.
“Your 100% percent may not be the same as the other person’s 100%. They may be giving their all and their all is 50% to you. That’s why it’s important that you try to see the situation from their point of view, ultimately it will lead to a better understanding of your counterpart,” he said.
It is difficult to say right now if the happy couple will remain that way. Couples face so many challenges but everyone who know these two are extremely optimistic and hopeful that they will be among the percentage of couples that are successful.
“My hope for them as a couple is that they get everything they deserve. They are such great people and I want the very best for my friends.
“Never ending happiness. That they continue to challenge each other and that they never settle. Of course we will be there every step of the way cheering them on,” Rayo said.
