Character Counts

I had a spirited debate with a potential suitor on the subject of online dating. Specifically our discussion was about meeting someone online first or meeting in a more traditional or old school way if you will.

The gentleman I was speaking to said, “I don’t know how to online date. I think it’s easier to meet people in person, mainly because people that you meet online take advantage of you.”

My position in this argument is that there is no difference if you are talking about people’s character. If you meet someone at a bar, it does not mean that they are going to be more honest or that somehow they are going to treat someone better.

Online dating does create opportunities for people to pretend various aspects of themselves. You can pretend that you are younger than you really are. You can pretend that you are smaller than you really are.

You can pretend that you have more hair/less hair/real hair. You can even pretend that you have certain financial freedoms that perhaps you don’t have. But think about it, you can pretend certain things in person also.

You can pretend to be single. You can pretend to be a faithful person. You can pretend to be an honest person. You can even pretend to be a good person. The fact of the matter is pretending takes place in both forums.

What I suggested to the person I was speaking with about this issue is when in the search for a partner a few things need to be determined.

First you need to know what it is you are in search of or what you want. If you are looking for a relationship or a situationship you need to know. Second you need to conduct the search with a different set of eyes.

If a certain look is what you are after then you can’t be as choosy with what you end up with. If you are lucky enough to find someone who has looks and character then great.

Third you need to really get to know someone before you fall in love. People rush into relationships for different reasons, loneliness, monetary reasons, or a sense of obligation, meaning they believe they are supposed to be in relationship.

According to psychology today, it takes about six months to really get to know someone. People can pretend for only so long. At some point the real truth of who they are comes out and thats at least at the six month mark.

Needless to say this gentleman and myself did not make a love connection. His way of thinking about many subjects did not align with mine. Character counts for 80% and the other 20% encompasses all of the other less important items. Don’t settle for less than what you want and deserve.